Some thoughts...

Having (sort of) shared my testimony on Sabbath, I've done a bit of processing lately and I have some thoughts I would like to share.  They sort of relate to the storm, in that the storm has certainly cemented these thoughts, but many of them were rattling around in my head, even before the storms hit.  I know that some of them might be difficult for some people to swallow.  I know I would have had a hard time accepting parts of them several years ago.  But, for now, this is my experience and you can take it as just that, my experience. 
So, here goes.  I believe that God is willing to TAKE you to difficult, even sometimes hurtful places, in order to draw you into a more intimate relationship with him.   Alot of people have a very hard time with the thought that God would LET anything bad happen to you, let alone cause it.  The problem with that is that 'bad' is totally a matter of perception.  I have a friend who had a house fire once.  They lost everything! That sounds just awful to most of us.  She now counts it as one of her biggest blessings.  We are feeling the same way about the storms at this point.  Not only because of the physical/financial blessings that have come about because of it, but mostly because of how it has helped us to feel God's abiding presence in our lives, particularly me, and a certainty that He is here with us, interested in our lives, and acting for our better good.  If it took living through a tornado for me to get to that point where doubt was no longer a plague that dogged my spiritual steps, then I say bring it!!  (not sure I would have said "bring it" on April 26 though) 
The unexpected outcome of this is also what it has done to fear in my life.  I have other fears (what mother doesn't?).  Tornadoes used to be a pretty big one - actually they still are, in a new, different way - because I KNOW -- but whenever I start to get fearful about something, I remember, "Hey - God kept us safe, protected our lives and even our stuff, and blessed us in the midst of a BAD tornado - WHAT am I worried about - we are in His hands"  There are other fears, things I don't like to talk about, or even think about.  But when they do pop into my head I find myself remembering the way that God was with us in the storm and I know that God would be with us if we were ever to have to actually face that other fear too.
I hope I can help the kids internalize this too. 
And the love is awakening too.  When I think about the fact that I can rest in the knowledge that God has us covered, and really let that sink in to the core of my being, love automatically begins to blossom there.  How can it not? 
I know my heart is a bit 'thick skinned' from previous hurts, and depressions, etc that I have experienced.  I have prayed for God to bring healing, and a healthy emotional state, so that I could FEEL His love for me, and FEEL love for Him.  I knew He was the only source for the healing that I needed.  I did not expect Him to take me through one of my biggest fears to get me there, but in hindsight it was (obviously - he IS God, after all) the PERFECT thing to get me to the point I needed to be at. 
The question I continue to have is: do I trust God enough to give Him full license to do whatever it takes to draw me into an even closer walk with Him?  It might be a rough road for a while, it might hurt, but in the end, I suspect it will be SO worth it.  I do know one thing - I hunger for that closeness to continue to grow, the little taste I have had has put a desire for more into my heart.