We had had another storm warning in the previous few days, and the Tayolr's, the neighbor's across the street, had come for the first time, to join us in our shelter for that one. We had invited them over for dinner, back in January, as a way of thanking them for the big favor they had done for us, caring for our animals while we were gone so much of the summer. While they were visiting that evening, the topic of storm preparation came up. Things like making sure the garage is cleaned out, so that the truck can be in the garage and less likely to be damaged, (HA!) and where they would go in their house to be safe, since they did not have a shelter! We encouraged them to come get into our basement with us. The warnings the week previous had been the first time they had done that. So, to me, the potential storm warnings the next day meant that I needed to have the house tidy since Nan and the boys would likely be over the next day. So I'm pretty sure that when we got home from the study that night, we spent some time tidying up the house. (HA!)
Storm warnings were becoming run-of-the mill for us. The first few that took place after we got here were a bit un-nerving. Though, even then I was amazed at how calm I was. I grew up with a tremendous fear of tornadoes. I'm not sure where that came from, perhaps Wizard of Oz. But I remember thinking "I could never live in tornado alley" -- so when we got here, and the first storm warning went off, I was expecting it to really set me on edge. It didn't, and I felt that God was giving me peace. After we had done several and begun to realize that tornado damage is usually VERY localized and rather unlikely to hit us individually, we actually began to adopt some of the attitude of many of our neighbors, of 'oh, another storm warning, yeah, so'. The thought of the next day being filled with storm warnings meant more of an inconvenience that anything else. It's difficult to get things done if we are constantly having to stop what we are doing and go down to the basement.
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I wonder, when we think we have life planned out so carefully, and we think we know what is coming, if God just laughs at us. We think we know, we think we plan, we think we spy out the land... But in reality, we have NO clue. And if we did know, we would tremble in fear!!! We would rush around, 'preparing'. We would lose sleep. Something like knowing we were going to be hit by an EF5 tornado the next day would knock us for a loop almost worse than the actual tornado did!! God, in His wisdom, does not often give us such fore-knowledge. He allows us to take life one day at a time and He promises to walk with us through it.
Throughout last spring, I had been praying for two things fairly earnestly. Number one, that God would help us see a way clear from our financial issues. We REALLY wanted to work our way out of debt, and it didn't look like, even with the new, awesome paycheck that Lon would be bringing home, we would be making much headway on the debt. We would be able to make all of our payments - at least THAT was good - but not make any headway. That had me a bit down, but I was making a valiant effort to leave it at God's feet and not stress about it. I had also been praying for God to awaken my heart from the depression that I have struggled with for years. I have had a life-long struggle regarding trust of God. Ever since my mother died when I was 7, even though we had prayed so hard for her to live, I've not done well with times in my life where God has told me 'no'. I am on a journey of healing, and I had been praying for God to awaken my heart from the depression I had struggled with for years, and allow me to FEEL again. I had been pretty much staying out of 'depression' but I sensed that I was not really feeling things that I should feel, such as LOVE - for God, for Lon, for the kids, it all felt like an act. I knew how to behave in a loving manner, and I did that reasonably well, but I didn't FEEL it. I wanted those emotions to return to my life. I had been praying for God to 'heal my broken heart' - broken in the sense of 'not working', not in the sense of love-stricken like all the songs portray. I felt that my heart was not functional in the way God intended it to be, and that only HE could provide the healing that it needed.
Had I known that He had a surprise waiting for me the next day that would make a huge impact on both of those prayers in ways that I could not have even begun to understand from that April 26th perspective, would I have done anything to avoid it? (such as? What? go somewhere else? That still would have left all of our stuff to be hit, and then Nan and the boys wouldn't have been able to get in the house and be saved - and besides, where would we have gone?)
We don't know what God has in mind for us, and most of the time, if we did, we would not choose to walk the road He maps out for us. There are going to be rough spots in that road, and there are going to be things that are painful and difficult, things we would avoid, if we could. But we would be unwise to do that (maybe that's why God DOESN'T show us more than one day at a time) because it is in those tough times that we learn to trust God, and that we grow.
On April 26th we were living our lives, trusting God to tend to details regarding our finances and my emotional healing, and on April 27th He dropped something into our lives that made a huge impact on both of those. If it was April 26th again, would I change anything? Possibly attempt to warn the 6 people who lived within a mile of our house that died. That would have been a productive use of my time. I hope that is what I would have done. (That and set up some cameras to film what was going on upstairs as we huddled in the basement!)
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