I can't really say that the long gap since my last post was caused by 'being so busy', though we were. I can't say there was nothing to post about, there definitely was. I guess I can just say that we have been 'off of our regular routine' and somehow the posting to the blog fell by the wayside in the process.
It's been a busy month, with lots of fun activities like kids going to camp (all but ONE of the six were gone one week!) and taking advantage of our season passes at the swim park, and enjoying the free summer movie series at the local 'luxury' theater. There have been appointments with speech therapists, and the ESD, to see if enrolling Ricky in public school this next year might be a better choice. There was my 'fun' trip back down to the breast center, so that they could take a second look at one of the lumps I had found. (it was just another fibroadinoma - I've had them before). (still freaky to get that call!) There has even been an MRI in the mix, trying to figure out what has been causing Emma to have severe twitches... no diagnosis there, yet, but she's also been gone for the last three weeks. She'll be home tonight.
But there has also been a lot of nothing. A lot of sleeping in till 9:30 and just doing nearly nothing all day. It's been a good summer break. We are basking in the nothingness of it, because we know that it may be one of our last 'nothing to do' summers. Next summer we are hoping to go out to the NW for most of the summer, and then we are hoping to be onto 'our' property by the summer after that, so there will ALWAYS be things to do, once we are there.
Anyway, I don't have anything profound to post today. There have been some fun things that have happened, like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Lon's birthday, and my birthday. For Fourth of July, we just stayed home. There were lots of choices of places to go for Fireworks, but we knew we had to get up early for the paper route the next day, so we didn't want to get stuck in traffic and not get home till 11:00. So we pooled our resources with the neighbor and just got some stuff to set off here at home. It rained... ALOT... that day, flooding roadways, and nearby homes and businesses and all. We went to a birthday party in the afternoon and I was glad I had driven the Excursion because if we had been in the van we would have had to turn around and go home, there was water over roadways at least three times, in the 6 or so miles from our house to theirs, most of it had receded by the time we came back through, fortunately. We were concerned that we wouldn't get to set our fireworks off, but the rain did stop, just enough (there was still a drizzle), and just long enough, to get things set off. Then it started pouring again, which was also good, because it meant all the other neighbors went in too, and I was able to get to sleep quickly. : )
The 'thing' that made me make time to post today, though, was a cool thing that happened the other day with Mayahna that caused me to have an insight into God, and what He wants from us.
The lack of nurturing that happened with her, at such a young age, makes it very difficult for her to trust us. Much the same way that I have a hard time trusting God. There is healing that needs to take place in both of us. Her in her relationship with Lon and I, and me, in my relationship with God. I OFTEN see parallels between how she reacts to me as compared to how I WISH she would react, and how I react to God, which causes me to have insight into how He might wish I would react.
The other day she took break from her piano practice, and walked up to me and said, "Stop my timer."
I said, "Excuse me!?"
She said, "I need to go potty, stop my timer."
(What she didn't know was that her timer had already stopped, so she was already free to go)
I pointed out to her that perhaps it would be better for her, rather than TELLING me what to do, to state her need, first. Perhaps something like, "I need to go potty, can you stop my timer please?" That it was better to tell me what she needed, rather than telling me what to do.
As she trotted off to tend to her call of nature, I was contemplating how that must be what God wants from us too. Rather than telling Him what He 'needs' to do, just communicating to Him what our needs are, and letting Him tend to them as HE sees fit. And honestly, even telling Him what our needs are is kind of silly - HE KNOWS. What I'm thinking He REALLY wants is for us to communicate to Him how we are FEELING about our needs.
There is a subculture within the religious world that seems to indicate that 'feelings' are 'bad' and we should dismiss them. I have been caught in that trap for MANY years, and have some pretty bad habits regarding the ignoring of my feelings. I think what God wants from me is for me to express to Him how I am FEELING. He created emotions, and He wants to share in relationship with me. How can we build a relationship on 'I need you to' - relationships are built on 'I feel...'
Some days I think that He brought these injured children into our lives so that, in helping them heal, and learn to 'deal with' and 'talk about' their emotions, that WE would heal, and learn to 'deal with' and 'talk about' our own emotions. It's a beautiful thing, the healing that is taking place. Please continue to pray for all of us. And if you know of any good books about 'emotional healing' post a comment. I'm always open to 'outside insight', it's an uncharted path we are traveling on.
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