There is a great deal of processing going on out here in Alabama right now. Last week I read a short book written by the lady who put up all the pictures on Facebook that were found here and there all around the south, after the storms. (see link provided on my post on May 18) I was struck by just how FORTUNATE we were that we were spared such devastating lost, as many experienced. Their houses were obliterated, even Nan and Doug, I remember going over to see them at one point as we were working to recover what we could from our house. Nan had collected a small pile of shards that she and other's had found from various kitchen items. She was planning to make a mosaic out of them. The fact that MOST of our stuff was saved has taken on a much more meaningful... 'heavyness'? is that the right word? Perhaps gravity? Then...
Thursday evening of last week my hard drive crashed.
It took me a while to figure it out, but this is potentially a worse loss for me than the storm.
Lon was supposed to be doing back-ups for me and hadn't been. I could have done it myself, but I tend to leave 'tech-y' stuff to him. If I try to do it, I end up bugging him all through the process of doing whatever it is I'm try to do, so it's just easier to leave it to him to do. Well, he didn't.
All of our photos from our trip to the west coast two summers ago were on there, all of our storm photos, all of my homeschool records, including hugely complicated spread-sheets for lesson plans, and the gradebook, which shows what we have accomplished. My journaling (other than this blog). My passwords for various websites that I visit, our financial records (including another complicated spread-sheet), etc etc etc... the list goes on and on...
Now - as of this moment in time it is not certain that it is all lost for good - we have sent the drive off to a 'data recovery specialist' - they will do their best to get what they can off and within 8-12 business days we should know what is recoverable and what is not. They don't get paid unless they recover something - so it's a vested interest for them, to get as much as they can. Very impressed with them so far - while I was online filling out a 'work-order' form to include in the shipping materials, I got a phone call from them, asking if there was anything they could do to help me through the process. They are aware that most people in my situation just had their lives turned up-on-end and might need a little hand-holding. Very nice gentleman!! The company is Gillware. Hopefully none of you ever need their services, but if you do - they are the ones to use!! Even if they dont' recover anything, I'm still impressed with the quality of their service.
Anyway - back to the 'processing' -- I feel very much like I have lost as much or more than what we lost in the storm. Often times, when people ask what we saved, the pictures are the first thing they ask about. We saved (most of) our pictures. Now we have potentially lost a good chunk of them.
In talking with one good friend on Friday evening - I was conveying all of this to her and told her that that afternoon I had just sat in the car and wept. I had to pull off the road, I couldn't drive. I told her it was the first time I had really cried since the storm. She pointed out that that was a rather telling statement!! She's right. I think this event has taken me to a place where I could do a little better processing of the stuff in April. The fact that we came THAT close to losing EVERYTHING - oh - my - goodness!!! Even losing life!! It's a miracle that we didn't. Honestly. I've been saying that all along, but a clearer understanding of it has just been forced into the very core of my being by this new 'loss'.
Or, somehow, now, this removed (by time) from the actual event, I can stand back and 'see' it with new eyes, after reading the book, and then experiencing the loss that I experienced on Thursday afternoon. Now I can more keenly understand the gravity of what has happened.
Another little piece that is playing in is that I went up to the old house on Sabbath with a friend who was here visiting from Washington. I was telling her what houses were where, and which ones had people in them as the storm hit and which ones didn't, etc and it hit me (like a ton of bricks, actually - no pun intended) that the houses that had people inside of them were the ones that stood. The ones that were completely demolished by the storm it's self (as opposed to being 'salvageable' inside, but still having to be torn down, later) were the ones that didn't have people in them.
Now, granted, that was one little micro-cosom of our street. There were two deaths on the next street over and four on the street just past that. I have struggled just a bit with the fact that while I count my blessings, others have nothing to count. I think I'm struggling with that more and more as I realize more and more just how blessed we were to be spared at the level we were spared at. I want to take that energy and turn it into a compassion for those that lost more - or at the very least, a compassion for others that I hear about in the future that are hit by other losses.
Often, in the past, as I've come aware of others who are dealing with similar losses to the loss I was hit with at age 7 when my mother died, I have been 'scared' to get too close, I find it painful to come along side them and help them. I hope that I have reached a place now, in my own healing, that I can get past that, and become someone who can comfort others, or at least sit, and FEEL with them. It is a journey of emotional healingy that I'm on. This new healing, and this new awareness, brings with it a willingness to feel those hard feelings and not try to stuff them down, but just feel them. That is new thing for me. It also brings a willingness to 'wrestle with God' over stuff that makes no sense. Several books I've read recently and am reading now, have brought out that God VALUES our interactions with Him so much that even (perhaps, actually ESPECIALLY) when that interaction is me RAILING against Him for some human 'unfairness', He is just so happy that we are 'there' that it doesn't matter to Him, really, WHAT we have to say, as long as we are there, in His presence.
The healing that has come, largely as a result of the protections and the palpable feeling of God being WITH us after the storm, has enabled me to be willing to 'feel' those emotions. I'm still learning how, but I'm willing. That's new.
There is a lot of "stuff" for Lon and I to work through, still, obviously. We're working on it, and that will continue to take place over the next few days. The fact that we have done this before, several years ago, and it sent me into a HUGE emotional tailspin that time, and now he has let it happen again is no small matter for us to work through. But today, as I was driving, I think I hit on one of the lessons God wants me to take away from this - it's a lesson I've had to learn before, and apparently didn't learn all the way, so here I am again. That is that HE is the only being whom I can successfully fit into that 'God-shaped' hole in my heart. When I need protection, comfort, healing, etc, I need to turn to HIM, not to Lon. If God chooses to use Lon to meet those needs, then so be it, but if He wants to minister to me directly or in some other way, then, so be THAT, it's GOD'S choice. He wants the relationship channels between He and I to be clear of any obstructions, including the 'obstruction' of me leaning on Lon for things that God can provide for me Himself.
AND - in the midst of all of this, I'm 'acquiring' a MUCH keener LONGING for Heaven. I'm tired of this old world and all the struggles involved in living here. I imagine God is tired of watching our struggles too. I'm ready to jump on the band-wagon of "let's get this job DONE, so that we can go HOME!"
So - that is the processing I'm doing today, thanks for hanging in there and reading this far. Obviously, we have MUCH to be thankful for this year, as we head into the Thanksgiving season. But also, we are still longing for your prayers to continue. It's a process. All of it is. We're all in it together in one way or another, and praying for one-another is one way we can 'walk through it' together - even if we are far apart - please let me know how I can be praying for you too!!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Emergency Kits
So, 6 months later - do you have an Emergency kit in place for your family?
Consider this - Backpacks are a great way to store them. That way if you need to go, your hands are free. Also, if you are including flashlights, (which you SHOULD!) consider head-lamps, again with the hands-free thing. And realize that food will not be nearly as important as you might imagine it to be. Our stomachs were so tied up in knots we were not eating nearly as much as we usually do. Some basic provisions such as Cliff bars or other high-energy, light-weight food is good, also consider comfort food, if it is easily stored, but keep your amounts on a more reasonable side, don't over-pack food. Water, on the other hand, could become scarce quickly, over packing in this area is less likely. Consider purchasing a back-packing style water filter. They are light weight and might allow you to help others by providing water for them too. Clothing packed into the backpack needs to include at least two changes of underwear and should ideally be stored in plastic bags, as the most likely need of a change of clothing is that you have gotten wet, and it does you no good to have a change of clothes, if they get wet, too.
I would also recommend that you keep yourself in the habit of keeping your gas tank more on the full side than the empty side. Gasoline was available, but there was no power to pump it, so the lines at the few stations where they had generators big enough to do this job, were rather LONG.
Also include some cash in your emergency kit. Debit cards were not useful until the power came back on. Checks were useful, but I happened to be at the end of a checkbook, so having a spare in the emergency kit might be a good idea too.
And don't forget your pets. We had to provide temporary housing for several of our pets who's usual cages were destroyed in the storm. Having a spare cage around, to house pets in, in case of 'issues' is a very good idea. A spare leash for a dog might be a good addition to the kit too. Even if you have a leash handy for your dog, other pets might be wondering around, disoriented, and you might want to assist them, and a spare leash will come in VERY handy!!
Communication could be an issue too - and here is where I'm preaching to myself - consider getting a ham radio license (I'm one of the last hold-outs in our family on this one). We were fortunate to have gotten in touch with each other, via cell phone, immediately after the storm, and communicate a plan to each other. By the time we left the house (three-plus hours later, cell towers were going down, due to lack of power and having used up their energy reserves. They did not come back up until mid afternoon the next day and were spotty at best at that point. Having the girls licensed and able to communicate with Lon was a HUGE help.
And another area where I'm preaching to myself - know where your 'essentials' are at all times. Keys to the car, cell phone, wallet. If you are not a purse carrier, as I was not, you might have to spend precious time searching for things, time that could be used helping other people instead. Our keys to our truck went missing for nearly 48 hours. It didn't matter, because our truck was stranded in the garage, but had it not been, we would have still been stuck, as the keys were lost in the storm, they were left on a counter, and the storm blew them into a drawer that we never would have thought to look in. Consider keeping a spare key in, or hidden somewhere on, your vehicle. I also used to be one who would set my phone down, who knows where, and have to call it to find it. I'm much less that way now. It is usually in my purse or on my night stand if it is not within arm's reach of where ever I'm sitting.
While I do STRONGLY believe that we need to trust that God will carry us through 'events' that might come our way - He CERTAINLY did us! - I also believe that there are basic precautions that we ought to take to be prepared so that we are not a burden on those around us.
Thanks for keeping up on the blog - don't be afraid to leave a comment now and then - I'de love to hear from you!!
Consider this - Backpacks are a great way to store them. That way if you need to go, your hands are free. Also, if you are including flashlights, (which you SHOULD!) consider head-lamps, again with the hands-free thing. And realize that food will not be nearly as important as you might imagine it to be. Our stomachs were so tied up in knots we were not eating nearly as much as we usually do. Some basic provisions such as Cliff bars or other high-energy, light-weight food is good, also consider comfort food, if it is easily stored, but keep your amounts on a more reasonable side, don't over-pack food. Water, on the other hand, could become scarce quickly, over packing in this area is less likely. Consider purchasing a back-packing style water filter. They are light weight and might allow you to help others by providing water for them too. Clothing packed into the backpack needs to include at least two changes of underwear and should ideally be stored in plastic bags, as the most likely need of a change of clothing is that you have gotten wet, and it does you no good to have a change of clothes, if they get wet, too.
I would also recommend that you keep yourself in the habit of keeping your gas tank more on the full side than the empty side. Gasoline was available, but there was no power to pump it, so the lines at the few stations where they had generators big enough to do this job, were rather LONG.
Also include some cash in your emergency kit. Debit cards were not useful until the power came back on. Checks were useful, but I happened to be at the end of a checkbook, so having a spare in the emergency kit might be a good idea too.
And don't forget your pets. We had to provide temporary housing for several of our pets who's usual cages were destroyed in the storm. Having a spare cage around, to house pets in, in case of 'issues' is a very good idea. A spare leash for a dog might be a good addition to the kit too. Even if you have a leash handy for your dog, other pets might be wondering around, disoriented, and you might want to assist them, and a spare leash will come in VERY handy!!
Communication could be an issue too - and here is where I'm preaching to myself - consider getting a ham radio license (I'm one of the last hold-outs in our family on this one). We were fortunate to have gotten in touch with each other, via cell phone, immediately after the storm, and communicate a plan to each other. By the time we left the house (three-plus hours later, cell towers were going down, due to lack of power and having used up their energy reserves. They did not come back up until mid afternoon the next day and were spotty at best at that point. Having the girls licensed and able to communicate with Lon was a HUGE help.
And another area where I'm preaching to myself - know where your 'essentials' are at all times. Keys to the car, cell phone, wallet. If you are not a purse carrier, as I was not, you might have to spend precious time searching for things, time that could be used helping other people instead. Our keys to our truck went missing for nearly 48 hours. It didn't matter, because our truck was stranded in the garage, but had it not been, we would have still been stuck, as the keys were lost in the storm, they were left on a counter, and the storm blew them into a drawer that we never would have thought to look in. Consider keeping a spare key in, or hidden somewhere on, your vehicle. I also used to be one who would set my phone down, who knows where, and have to call it to find it. I'm much less that way now. It is usually in my purse or on my night stand if it is not within arm's reach of where ever I'm sitting.
While I do STRONGLY believe that we need to trust that God will carry us through 'events' that might come our way - He CERTAINLY did us! - I also believe that there are basic precautions that we ought to take to be prepared so that we are not a burden on those around us.
Thanks for keeping up on the blog - don't be afraid to leave a comment now and then - I'de love to hear from you!!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Six Months Ago...
Thinking today, about what our lives were like six months ago today, and whether we would have done anything different had we known what was just around the corner, waiting for us. Life was pretty typical, we had just found out a few days before, that Lon was going to be starting a new job, in Nashville. We had been facing some dire financial issues, in that several of our creditors had not been getting paid, while Lon was unemployed and under-employed for the previous 8 months, but the new job was going to take care of that. Emma had a birthday that day, and we made a cake to take to the bible study at Showalter's that night. We didn't have a party per-say, the plan was, for her to have her friends over for a sleep-over the next weekend, or the one after that. We would have done school that day, Tuesdays were one of our 'stay at home and get things done' days, other than an occasional trip to the library, we usually stayed home on Tuesdays. I don't remember whether we went out that day or not. I do know there were library books lost/damaged at the house, so perhaps we did. When we went to the study that night, we prayed about the 'severe weather' that Michael Showalter was aware was coming our direction. That was the first I had heard about it.
We had had another storm warning in the previous few days, and the Tayolr's, the neighbor's across the street, had come for the first time, to join us in our shelter for that one. We had invited them over for dinner, back in January, as a way of thanking them for the big favor they had done for us, caring for our animals while we were gone so much of the summer. While they were visiting that evening, the topic of storm preparation came up. Things like making sure the garage is cleaned out, so that the truck can be in the garage and less likely to be damaged, (HA!) and where they would go in their house to be safe, since they did not have a shelter! We encouraged them to come get into our basement with us. The warnings the week previous had been the first time they had done that. So, to me, the potential storm warnings the next day meant that I needed to have the house tidy since Nan and the boys would likely be over the next day. So I'm pretty sure that when we got home from the study that night, we spent some time tidying up the house. (HA!)
Storm warnings were becoming run-of-the mill for us. The first few that took place after we got here were a bit un-nerving. Though, even then I was amazed at how calm I was. I grew up with a tremendous fear of tornadoes. I'm not sure where that came from, perhaps Wizard of Oz. But I remember thinking "I could never live in tornado alley" -- so when we got here, and the first storm warning went off, I was expecting it to really set me on edge. It didn't, and I felt that God was giving me peace. After we had done several and begun to realize that tornado damage is usually VERY localized and rather unlikely to hit us individually, we actually began to adopt some of the attitude of many of our neighbors, of 'oh, another storm warning, yeah, so'. The thought of the next day being filled with storm warnings meant more of an inconvenience that anything else. It's difficult to get things done if we are constantly having to stop what we are doing and go down to the basement.
I wonder, when we think we have life planned out so carefully, and we think we know what is coming, if God just laughs at us. We think we know, we think we plan, we think we spy out the land... But in reality, we have NO clue. And if we did know, we would tremble in fear!!! We would rush around, 'preparing'. We would lose sleep. Something like knowing we were going to be hit by an EF5 tornado the next day would knock us for a loop almost worse than the actual tornado did!! God, in His wisdom, does not often give us such fore-knowledge. He allows us to take life one day at a time and He promises to walk with us through it.
Throughout last spring, I had been praying for two things fairly earnestly. Number one, that God would help us see a way clear from our financial issues. We REALLY wanted to work our way out of debt, and it didn't look like, even with the new, awesome paycheck that Lon would be bringing home, we would be making much headway on the debt. We would be able to make all of our payments - at least THAT was good - but not make any headway. That had me a bit down, but I was making a valiant effort to leave it at God's feet and not stress about it. I had also been praying for God to awaken my heart from the depression that I have struggled with for years. I have had a life-long struggle regarding trust of God. Ever since my mother died when I was 7, even though we had prayed so hard for her to live, I've not done well with times in my life where God has told me 'no'. I am on a journey of healing, and I had been praying for God to awaken my heart from the depression I had struggled with for years, and allow me to FEEL again. I had been pretty much staying out of 'depression' but I sensed that I was not really feeling things that I should feel, such as LOVE - for God, for Lon, for the kids, it all felt like an act. I knew how to behave in a loving manner, and I did that reasonably well, but I didn't FEEL it. I wanted those emotions to return to my life. I had been praying for God to 'heal my broken heart' - broken in the sense of 'not working', not in the sense of love-stricken like all the songs portray. I felt that my heart was not functional in the way God intended it to be, and that only HE could provide the healing that it needed.
Had I known that He had a surprise waiting for me the next day that would make a huge impact on both of those prayers in ways that I could not have even begun to understand from that April 26th perspective, would I have done anything to avoid it? (such as? What? go somewhere else? That still would have left all of our stuff to be hit, and then Nan and the boys wouldn't have been able to get in the house and be saved - and besides, where would we have gone?)
We don't know what God has in mind for us, and most of the time, if we did, we would not choose to walk the road He maps out for us. There are going to be rough spots in that road, and there are going to be things that are painful and difficult, things we would avoid, if we could. But we would be unwise to do that (maybe that's why God DOESN'T show us more than one day at a time) because it is in those tough times that we learn to trust God, and that we grow.
On April 26th we were living our lives, trusting God to tend to details regarding our finances and my emotional healing, and on April 27th He dropped something into our lives that made a huge impact on both of those. If it was April 26th again, would I change anything? Possibly attempt to warn the 6 people who lived within a mile of our house that died. That would have been a productive use of my time. I hope that is what I would have done. (That and set up some cameras to film what was going on upstairs as we huddled in the basement!)
We had had another storm warning in the previous few days, and the Tayolr's, the neighbor's across the street, had come for the first time, to join us in our shelter for that one. We had invited them over for dinner, back in January, as a way of thanking them for the big favor they had done for us, caring for our animals while we were gone so much of the summer. While they were visiting that evening, the topic of storm preparation came up. Things like making sure the garage is cleaned out, so that the truck can be in the garage and less likely to be damaged, (HA!) and where they would go in their house to be safe, since they did not have a shelter! We encouraged them to come get into our basement with us. The warnings the week previous had been the first time they had done that. So, to me, the potential storm warnings the next day meant that I needed to have the house tidy since Nan and the boys would likely be over the next day. So I'm pretty sure that when we got home from the study that night, we spent some time tidying up the house. (HA!)
Storm warnings were becoming run-of-the mill for us. The first few that took place after we got here were a bit un-nerving. Though, even then I was amazed at how calm I was. I grew up with a tremendous fear of tornadoes. I'm not sure where that came from, perhaps Wizard of Oz. But I remember thinking "I could never live in tornado alley" -- so when we got here, and the first storm warning went off, I was expecting it to really set me on edge. It didn't, and I felt that God was giving me peace. After we had done several and begun to realize that tornado damage is usually VERY localized and rather unlikely to hit us individually, we actually began to adopt some of the attitude of many of our neighbors, of 'oh, another storm warning, yeah, so'. The thought of the next day being filled with storm warnings meant more of an inconvenience that anything else. It's difficult to get things done if we are constantly having to stop what we are doing and go down to the basement.
-----
I wonder, when we think we have life planned out so carefully, and we think we know what is coming, if God just laughs at us. We think we know, we think we plan, we think we spy out the land... But in reality, we have NO clue. And if we did know, we would tremble in fear!!! We would rush around, 'preparing'. We would lose sleep. Something like knowing we were going to be hit by an EF5 tornado the next day would knock us for a loop almost worse than the actual tornado did!! God, in His wisdom, does not often give us such fore-knowledge. He allows us to take life one day at a time and He promises to walk with us through it.
Throughout last spring, I had been praying for two things fairly earnestly. Number one, that God would help us see a way clear from our financial issues. We REALLY wanted to work our way out of debt, and it didn't look like, even with the new, awesome paycheck that Lon would be bringing home, we would be making much headway on the debt. We would be able to make all of our payments - at least THAT was good - but not make any headway. That had me a bit down, but I was making a valiant effort to leave it at God's feet and not stress about it. I had also been praying for God to awaken my heart from the depression that I have struggled with for years. I have had a life-long struggle regarding trust of God. Ever since my mother died when I was 7, even though we had prayed so hard for her to live, I've not done well with times in my life where God has told me 'no'. I am on a journey of healing, and I had been praying for God to awaken my heart from the depression I had struggled with for years, and allow me to FEEL again. I had been pretty much staying out of 'depression' but I sensed that I was not really feeling things that I should feel, such as LOVE - for God, for Lon, for the kids, it all felt like an act. I knew how to behave in a loving manner, and I did that reasonably well, but I didn't FEEL it. I wanted those emotions to return to my life. I had been praying for God to 'heal my broken heart' - broken in the sense of 'not working', not in the sense of love-stricken like all the songs portray. I felt that my heart was not functional in the way God intended it to be, and that only HE could provide the healing that it needed.
Had I known that He had a surprise waiting for me the next day that would make a huge impact on both of those prayers in ways that I could not have even begun to understand from that April 26th perspective, would I have done anything to avoid it? (such as? What? go somewhere else? That still would have left all of our stuff to be hit, and then Nan and the boys wouldn't have been able to get in the house and be saved - and besides, where would we have gone?)
We don't know what God has in mind for us, and most of the time, if we did, we would not choose to walk the road He maps out for us. There are going to be rough spots in that road, and there are going to be things that are painful and difficult, things we would avoid, if we could. But we would be unwise to do that (maybe that's why God DOESN'T show us more than one day at a time) because it is in those tough times that we learn to trust God, and that we grow.
On April 26th we were living our lives, trusting God to tend to details regarding our finances and my emotional healing, and on April 27th He dropped something into our lives that made a huge impact on both of those. If it was April 26th again, would I change anything? Possibly attempt to warn the 6 people who lived within a mile of our house that died. That would have been a productive use of my time. I hope that is what I would have done. (That and set up some cameras to film what was going on upstairs as we huddled in the basement!)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
It's all about the Journey
Well, life must be rolling along, I have a post that has little to nothing to do with the storm...
I went out to Portland this last weekend and had SUCH a lovely time with girlfriends and family. My soul felt so refreshed by visits, lunch dates, praise times, etc that I was so blessed to take part in repeatedly over the weekend. Over and over, as I shared my story, and others shared their stories I found the recurring theme of 'Life is a Journey, and God designed it so that when we journey together with others, we all become stronger, better people through the process." The storm has healed parts of me that were longing for healing, I have finally found a new place to be, that involves a lot less darkness in my soul (I believe - after all it HAS only been just over five months, I know this, and acknowledge the fact that I could still face some 'downswings' on the depression-recovery road). But as a whole, my life now involves a lot more trusting of God, and KNOWING that I AM His child, and resting in the knowledge (not just a flimsy 'hope') that He WILL take care of me. I am waking up, emotionally, from a long dark period in my life, and experiencing emotions in a new way. I am looking back over my life, and partly through the insights gained from a book I'm reading on prayer, and partly through insights from conversations with all of these great friends God has blessed me with, I am starting to see events in my past in a new light. There is joy in my soul!!
Today, as I drove home from a quick run to the grocery store, I saw some Queen Anne's lace growing by the road. Often, in the past, it was a slightly painful thing to see, because it was my mother's favorite flower. I sometimes picked one to bring home, because it reminded me of her, but not usually in a joyful, thankful, way, usually more of a poignant, missing-her sort of way. Today, when I saw them, it made me SMILE. To think how blessed I was to have her for my mom, to be able to say, "I have cells of her cells and my habits and thoughts originated in her." What a BLESSING!! Even though I only had her in my life for seven short years, those years in a person's life are actually THE most important years, in forming their character, and getting them on a firm foundation for life. I am blessed to have had her for those most important years. It is nice to be in a place where I can think of her, or see something that reminds me of her, and have happy thoughts, and joyful feelings. Healing is SUCH a good thing, but for it to be FINALLY coming, after all of these years, I think I count it as especially precious. God is GOOD.
Find someone to journey with, share your thoughts, insights, pains, downfalls... be real. God will bless both of you through it.
And, before I go - THANK YOU to ALL of those who have walked with me, over the years. I could start a list here, but I would certainly leave someone off - so, lame as it might seem - you know who you are!! I thank God for you!!! You have blessed me in ways you can not even begin to imagine!
I went out to Portland this last weekend and had SUCH a lovely time with girlfriends and family. My soul felt so refreshed by visits, lunch dates, praise times, etc that I was so blessed to take part in repeatedly over the weekend. Over and over, as I shared my story, and others shared their stories I found the recurring theme of 'Life is a Journey, and God designed it so that when we journey together with others, we all become stronger, better people through the process." The storm has healed parts of me that were longing for healing, I have finally found a new place to be, that involves a lot less darkness in my soul (I believe - after all it HAS only been just over five months, I know this, and acknowledge the fact that I could still face some 'downswings' on the depression-recovery road). But as a whole, my life now involves a lot more trusting of God, and KNOWING that I AM His child, and resting in the knowledge (not just a flimsy 'hope') that He WILL take care of me. I am waking up, emotionally, from a long dark period in my life, and experiencing emotions in a new way. I am looking back over my life, and partly through the insights gained from a book I'm reading on prayer, and partly through insights from conversations with all of these great friends God has blessed me with, I am starting to see events in my past in a new light. There is joy in my soul!!
Today, as I drove home from a quick run to the grocery store, I saw some Queen Anne's lace growing by the road. Often, in the past, it was a slightly painful thing to see, because it was my mother's favorite flower. I sometimes picked one to bring home, because it reminded me of her, but not usually in a joyful, thankful, way, usually more of a poignant, missing-her sort of way. Today, when I saw them, it made me SMILE. To think how blessed I was to have her for my mom, to be able to say, "I have cells of her cells and my habits and thoughts originated in her." What a BLESSING!! Even though I only had her in my life for seven short years, those years in a person's life are actually THE most important years, in forming their character, and getting them on a firm foundation for life. I am blessed to have had her for those most important years. It is nice to be in a place where I can think of her, or see something that reminds me of her, and have happy thoughts, and joyful feelings. Healing is SUCH a good thing, but for it to be FINALLY coming, after all of these years, I think I count it as especially precious. God is GOOD.
Find someone to journey with, share your thoughts, insights, pains, downfalls... be real. God will bless both of you through it.
And, before I go - THANK YOU to ALL of those who have walked with me, over the years. I could start a list here, but I would certainly leave someone off - so, lame as it might seem - you know who you are!! I thank God for you!!! You have blessed me in ways you can not even begin to imagine!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
New Growth
Stopped by the old 'place' earlier this week, to see if some bushes that were in the back yard were milk-weed or not. I was shocked and amazed to find that several of our Crepe Myrtle trees that had been mowed down by Jeff's trailer flying through them, and were literally lopped off at about a foot tall, had re-sprouted, sent up a bunch of 'sucker' type branches that are now 8-10 feet tall and BLOOMING, as if it were spring!! The two or three trees that are still there, from the row, tower over them, and are in a completely different stage of bloom. Isn't it amazing, that growth that can happen, when a plant can concentrate it's energy on new growth? Sometimes God has to mow something down, in our lives, so that we can concentrate on growing new branches that serve Him better than what we had before. I think I might have just stumbled on a children's story for church. (SHHHH) - don't tell Darlene!!
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