Two Little Vacations in One Day

I've learned that one way to save my sanity is to take tiny little vacations here and there, throughout my week.  One used to be the bible study I attended, it was a chance to leave the kids at home and have some adult conversation over a great meal, and share our struggles and triumphs and study God's word together.  Unfortunately, schedules changed a bit and I'm not able to get to it as often any more.   But I still manage to find those little vacations when I can.  Yesterday, I got two.  Which was a good thing, because Monday was a little crazy, so I needed some re-freshing.

I took my student home, when he was done with his work, and then ran on down to Target to pick up something I had seen on the clearance rack, earlier in the week, but had been unable to pick it up, because I didn't have my debit card with me.  So I went in, and found it, and decided to wander over and look at the home decorating area to see what I could find (found a COOL bird cage/candle holder thing there, that I LOVE, but it was $30, so we'll have to see if it makes it to the clearance rack or not) then wandered through the 'seasonal' section, and the kitchen area, etc.  Just taking my time, and enjoying the fact that no one was interrupting my thoughts.  I bought a few things we need, and a few small things that we don't need, and grabbed a quick snack at the snack-bar as I was leaving.  Then it was back to the 'work' of the day.  The kittens had a vet appointment at 4:00 but there was cold weather expected after about 3, so I called and we were able to move it up.  We ran them in, and stopped at the grocery store on the way home, to get what we need for the next few days.  It's supposed to be 'wet' and 'cold' from now till Thursday, so I don't want to count on my ability to get to the store.  Once we got home, we decided it was too risky (partly because there are too many people here who have NO clue how to drive in bad weather) to go do the things we typically do on Monday night. I go to a group support meeting downtown, and I drop off Lon, Annie, and Emma at a martial arts school where they are learning some self-defense and grappling skills.  Neither of those were important enough to risk traveling on bad roads.  So we stayed home.

Mayahna had some behavior issues while I was at Target and was already headed to an early bed time.  Ricky was having his classic 'inability to think' symptoms and Lon came up with the good idea that he should just have a standard bed time of 6:30, so that he will get the sleep he needs.  If he SHOWS us a child who doesn't need extra sleep then he can stay up till 8:30.  I LIKE IT!!!  That way, he will actually GET to sleep by 8:30 or so, as he seems to think he needs to lay on his bed for 2 hours before he goes to sleep.  So, they were both in bed early, and I had an evening ahead, that I was not expecting to be home for, so I SEWED!!  I made the comforter for our bed, when we moved here.  Our last one was lost in the storm, and besides, we upgraded the size of our bed, figuring that we would have kids in bed with us a bit more often - hasn't happened so much, but anyway, there have been various pillows 'decorating' our bed for over a year now, that do not 'go' with the bedspread.  Finally last night, I made new covers for them.  Yeah!!!  Next project (after I make a 'skirt' for Emma's table that her guinea pig cage is on) is in the garage- it's gotta get a bit warmer out there first!!  Maybe I'll have some time to play around with my new cutting machine if we keep getting stormy weather 'vacations' this week!

This is what it looked like before, with all the miss-matched pillows.

Now, it looks like this *smile*

Here is a photo of the thing I printed, months ago, that I was trying to sort of 'copy'

Tornado Sirens

There was apparently a drill this morning, testing the local tornado siren.  Since we don't watch much news around here, we didn't know about it.  A pretty strong line of storms rolled through here yesterday, in the late afternoon, and we knew that the next few days were supposed to be sort of unsettled, in a spotty sort of way.  So this morning, as  I was waking everyone up, I heard the sirens going off.  The weather was a bit dark for the time of day that it was, but calm.  Drizzly.  We went to the computers first, which is actually what we typically do anyway, because sometimes the entire county alarm system will kick in even if only one small corner of it is in the warning zone.  So we went to see what the story was, and there were no storm watches ANYWHERE, in the entire US!  So it had to be a drill.  But it sure does set your nerves on edge.  I wish they would have a set time of day that they would do that, and a set day of the month.  

There is supposed to be ice in here tonight.  So we have all of our food needs covered for the next few days and are all set to hunker down if we need to.  I'm actually looking forward to an unexpected evening at home.  I am hoping to get some sewing done that I've been trying to get to for quite some time.  I'll post pictures if I do. I'm wanting to make decorative pillows for our bed.  I made the bedspread, and have had fabric, ever since, to make matching decorative pillows, and it just has not happened.  Maybe tonight.  Maybe.  One can always hope. 

It's Like a Mirror

I'm going to be honest right up front.   Adoption is HARD work and there are days when I wonder WHAT we were THINKING!!  There are even days when I wonder if we really heard God telling us to do it, or if we were just chasing after our own dreams of the 'beautiful thing we could do'.  There are times when I daydream about what my life would be like if we had not adopted.  Peacefulness is the picture I get.  But when I'm BRUTALLY honest with myself, and really let myself open up to the TRUE thoughts, deep down inside.  I know that God brought us to adoption because of what He knew we needed to learn about ourselves in the process.  (well, for me, it's what I needed to learn in the process, I guess it's not fair for me to address what Lon might need, or what the three older girls might have needed)

If you are not familiar with Reactive Attachment Disorder, I would encourage you to spend a little time educating your self.  I can give you a quick synopsis here, but it's only the tip of the iceburg.

Basically, because these kids (all RAD kids - of which, ours are on the 'minimally affected' end of the spectrum) don't have an opportunity to form emotional bonds with a trust-able adult at a young age they go through life with a whole different take on things.  They assume that no one is on their side, no one wants to help them.  That they need to be always on the watch-out for their own best interest.  That they need to take care of themselves.

This manifests in many troubling ways.  They lie.  A lot.  They steal. They argue over EVERYTHING.  They are VERY irresponsible.  They literally CAN not reason from cause to affect (as in 'when I do this, I will have this consequence') (it is a brain development thing, and because of the lack of nurturing in infancy, that part of their brain does not develop) They blame everyone but themselves for their problems.  They gorge themselves on food. (again a brain development thing)... the list goes on. 

Now, some of those things, on that list, may seem like normal behavior.  But not at the level and intensity and frequency that we deal with it. 

I'm not having a pity party here.  I may be trying to educate you, a bit.  Partly because I know that when I didn't understand it I didn't 'get' it either.  (or at least before I lived it, I had no CLUE, because 'understanding' it is an on-going process, which I can not claim, even now, after living with it as long as I have)  But the real point I want to make is that many of these behaviors are things that God knew He needed to work on in His and my relationship, and I believe that He knew that the best way to reach me, in that 'emotionally bankrupt' place, was to provide me with two little mirrors to my own soul.  (Two of our children are much more affected by RAD than the third adopted one, because we were able to get him at a MUCH younger age and provide him with stable, bonding opportunities, where the other two did NOT get that)

It is amazing to me, how many times Mayahna's behavior throws up in my face some way in which I need to grow in my relationship with God.

Just this morning, we were dealing with an on-going problem we have, in that she needs pretty much constant supervision, and so, she is not allowed to get out of her bed in the morning, until I'm ready to provide that for her.  She may get up and go potty, but she has to go back to bed, and wait for Mommy to invite her to get up.   Often, this means she is awake in the next room, laying quietly on her bed for 20-30 minutes, while I do my quiet time in the morning.  Today, I got up, and went into the kitchen (at which point I TYPICALLY will call her to come in with me, because she LOVES to watch me cook, and help a little as she is able, and I enjoy having her there for that) but I knew I was going to do a 5 minute job and then go back to bed and have my quiet time.  So, I told her (from the kitchen) that she could turn her light on and look at books quietly.  She decided instead, that I must have meant that she could come into the kitchen and watch me cook, and came in and said "Mommy, can I get up now?" - - I asked her "what did I just tell you you could do?"  She repeated, word for word, what I had said about the light and the books.  I sent her back to bed, no light, no books.  She got mad. 

So, this is how God reached into my heart through this one.  Mayahna didn't know all of the details behind what I decided.  As the parent, I'm not required to explain to her that I'm only going to be in the kitchen for a few minutes to put breakfast in the oven, then I'm going back to bed for nearly an hour, to have my quiet time.  And I know that's a long time, for her to have to lay on her bed, so I want to bless her with the extra privilege of having books and the light on.  All she sees is that she wants to be in the kitchen with me, and I'm not letting her do that.  How many times do I decide how I want God to bless me, and in the process miss out on the blessing He IS trying to give me, because I'm not getting the one I WANT?  Ouch.  How many times do I try to orchestrate things, for Him, because He MUST need my help!?  Ouch.  How many times do I get mad at Him, when what He was trying to do was bless me, and I just couldn't see it?  Ouch.   

Thank you God, for the little mirrors you blessed us with, when you took us down this adoption road.  Help me to remember that the lack of peace in my family might be your way of helping me grow closer to YOU, which is the REAL goal.  And thank you for being the Loving Parent that I need, and giving me the perfect example to follow.

Small Changes, Big Difference

We got a new couch over Christmas break.  It's the one that is in the background more, on the first picture and isn't showing in the second one.  As much as I hate the game of grocery shopping, I LOVE the game of Craig's list.  This is a Micro-fiber couch with very little wear, no smoke smell, no pet issues.  It would be over $600 new (probably closer to $900!).  We got it for $60!  She said she hardly used it, and other than the 6 (out of 9) bolts that were holding the center section to the frame, that were missing, it showed. It looks brand new.  It was a BEAR to get out of her apartment, so I suppose we did pay some sweat for it, too, besides the $60 and the cost of the six bolts, but it was worth it!  Oh - did I mention that it RECLINES!?!?!?  The leather couch that is also showing in the pictures is one we also got on Craig's list, for $200 right after the storm.  : )  I love Craig's list.  (got the coffee table there too!) But what I'm MOST excited about at this point is the shelf behind the leather couch.  It is something we had already, but it was up in Annie's room. (I got her some new book shelves) but I've been wanting to put something in that spot for some time but the couch we replaced was curved, so it didn't really work to have it against the wall, it used to sit where the leather one is now.  Since the leather couch is NOT curved, we put the shelf there, behind it and WOW!  What a difference it has made in this room.  I LOVE HAVING THAT SHELF THERE!  I don't know what it is, but it just anchors the room somehow.  It might be that the other couch that used to be there was a slightly lighter color, or something, and having the darker couch there, and the shelf behind it just really changed the feel of the room.  I LOVE it.  It also has cupboards, so instead of the media (DVD's and CD's) being a sloppy mess on the book shelf in the foreground of the second picture, they are tucked inside of one of those cupboards now, instead.  And there is a small shelf at the top, if you look closely in the first shot, you can see that there are magazines stacked on that shelf, so the magazines are no longer making the coffee table look messy.  It's amazing what a simple piece of furniture can do for a room, and for the people who live there.  It just makes me happy, every time I see it there.  : )

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It's always a game of some sort at the Grocery store.

    So, grocery shopping is NOT my favorite task.  As much as I DO enjoy the moments of nobody interrupting my thoughts or needing to be put into time-out (I REFUSE to take children shopping with me, unless they are along for the express purpose of helping), there is still ALWAYS some silly game to play.  Some people enjoy those games, and occasionally I find them intriguing enough, when they save me substantial money, but most of the time I end up feeling yanked around, and only minimally triumphant, when I mange to 'win' at their game.  Today was one of those days.  I found that the spaghetti that I wanted to buy, had a coupon available for it.  Now, I'm not typically a big one on the coupon scene.  Our family eats a lot of produce and things that get made from scratch, and there just aren't that many coupons for produce and baking supplies, so I typically don't bother with coupons for the few pre-packaged items we do purchase.  But this one was for 75¢ off of a product that I was already buying, I was getting two, so total savings of $1.50.  It was worth the trip to the front of the store to retrieve the coupons from the little rack there, I guess.  I'm not sure, entirely, why one has to show the little torn piece of paper, to get the deal.  Why not just mark it down in price?  And it ended up that the coupon was only for ONE box, but I didn't realize that until I was already in line, and going BACK to the front AGAIN to get ANOTHER flyer, just didn't seem worth it.  Bother. 
Then there was the tater tots. First, I couldn't find the store brand ones, that I usually like, so I grabbed the Ore-Ida ones.  Then I noticed that the price on the 'Extra Crispy' ones was the same.  We like them crispy, so I put the others back and grabbed the Extra Crispy ones.  They were noticeably lighter in weight, so a quick check of the product details and proved that the 'regular' ones had nearly 1/3 more product for that 'same' price.  Bother.  Put the Extra Crispy ones back, got the regular ones, then went to get Hashbrowns, and discovered, there, next to the store-brand hash browns were the store-brand tater tots and they were considerably cheaper than even the regular Ore-Ida's, so another shuffle and I finally have what I wanted in the first place, in my cart.  
     So, even though I don't get interrupted by small people needing me to read spelling words for them, I find that grocery shopping is as much about learning to play the game and pay attention and get it right.  Fortunately, at my local Publix, the people who check you out, bag your groceries and help you to the car with them, so that they can bring in the cart for you, are all very gracious and pleasant to work with.  And when I get home, my kids KNOW that unloading and putting the groceries away is THEIR job, so that Mommy can go sit down and have a minute to get on facebook - um - no - I meant blog...  : )

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